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Tips for When They’re Back – #135

Do You What You and Say What You Mean – Tip #135

This tip is hard for any family but harder still for a family going through constant change and just having experienced a deployment or extended absence.  When you had a family member absent you may have said things like; “When you get home we are going to…”, “I promise things will be different…” or “That is definitely not going to happen when you are back…”.  Now that you are home people are expecting you to stick to your word, follow through on promises and be consistent.  Re-adjusting after a deployment or absence is difficult but even harder when you aren’t consistent or you are not following through.  At the least it causes frustration but it can also lead to hurt feelings, resentment, feelings of isolation and lack of trust.  I truly believe that this tip can help all members of your family.


* Keep track of the big commitments or promises that you are making (put them on an electronic calendar or somewhere in a high traffic area)

* Rather than saying you promise to do something find a balance between making solid commitments and taking time to give a response so that you can ensure you are able live up to them

* If you say it, follow through

* Set yourself time lines to live up to things (you don’t have to always share them but they will help to keep you on track)

* Be consistent – people should be able to rely on your word and trust that you will do what you say you will

* Keep a note pad by the phone or on the fridge so that you can keep track of things you have to do and that you have said you will do

* If you say you will get back to someone, make sure you do – there are very few things more frustrating to family and friends then waiting and waiting for a response that doesn’t come

For more information about our tips, books and resources go to: http://www.WhileYouWereAway.org

To submit a tip of your own, write to: Megan@whileyouwereaway.org


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