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Reader’s Tip #9

Our Reader’s Tip on Surviving Deployments

When my husband is gone, I do several things to help our sons and myself through our separation.

* I live by a routine, especially with a toddler, it helps with getting through each day more smoothly and it also helps with reintegration, except daddy might be the one giving the bath or reading bedtime stories.

* I remind myself to maintain my sense of humor when Murphy’s Law kicks in…in that situation when all …breaks loose and you don’t know whether to laugh or cry, I always laugh.

* With boys I realize that they need their dad time, I know that I am a lousy substitue for him, but I am always willing to throw a football, wrestle, or do whatever guy stuff that they want me too in order to try to fill the gap left by their dad being away.
* When it is finally time for reintegration, I try really hard not to criticize him for not doing things my way and take it for what it is, him trying to reestablish himself as a vital member of our family in the best way that he can.

* I try not to set my expectations too high and to have patience because I realize that things will not be perfect right away and that they will not be exactly the same as they were before he left.  However, we will recreate a life together, we will reconnect and that things will be okay.

* I remind myself that time does not freeze while they are gone, they have had new experiences that have changed them and I will have changed in my own way too.

* I try to remember that he was not at summer camp so it is unfair of me to resent him for doing his job and that I knew what I was getting into when I married him.

Carolyn – Robins Air Force Base

For more information about our tips, books or resources, go to: http://www.whileyouwereaway.org

To submit a tip of your own, write to: Megan@whileyouwereaway.org


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