1001 Tips for Military Families – #429

Posted on May 28, 2012 by meganegerton

Pre-Deployment Pampering – Tip #429

If you are one of the primary care givers in your relationships and family then you are often so busy making check lists, running around trying to cram in special events, lasts of everything and anything, and preparing family and friends for their departure that you probably forget to take care of yourselves and before you know it, they are deployed and there is no time to take care of you. Self care is undervalued and we often put ourselves last. This is a mistake as when we are feeling better, more rested and sane, those we look after will be the same. We will have more patience, attend to things faster and more efficiently and have a more positive outlook which rubs off on others.

Things to do for yourself before they’re deployed:

Go out to dinner or lunch with a group of friends

Get a pedicure or manicure

Go to someone else’s house for dinner

Get take out that you like

Sign up for a course you’ve always wanted to take

Go to the movies and maybe stay for another one afterwards

Have a long bath and take a book or magazine with you, put a sign that says “Only disturb if you see blood or vomit”

Call friends or family members and have a good long chat

Take a personal day or book a day off and do nothing but put your feet up

Go through photos or other piles you have been dying to get to

The bottom line is that you need to take time before they leave to pamper, renew and treat yourself as a deployment is filled with doing a lot of things for other people and you will be better for everyone around you if you are somewhat rested heading into it.

For more information about our tips, books and resources, go to: www.WhileYouWereAway.org

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1001 Tips for Military Families – Tip #428

Posted on May 21, 2012 by meganegerton

Anxiety & Your Children – Tip #428

We all have anxiety in varying degrees.  We have things that can make our palms sweat, make us shake, want to scream, run away, etc.  Military life just on its own can be incredibly anxiety causing and especially for our children.  Military life is in a state of constant change, upheaval, uncertainty, worry and fear.  It is now believed that 1 in 10 children have anxiety that impedes their learning, ability to socialize and emotional development.  I believe that there many things that you can do to allievate their anxiety on a daily basis.

Top Ten Tips for Alleviating Anxiety:

1) Keep a regular routine with a few things each day – bedtime, dinner time, homework, etc.  These routines help to give your family a sense of control over their world, things that they can depend upon and count on each day, etc.

2) Have a calendar in a high traffic area that everyone in the family can add to and see.  Divide it into “must do” and “good to do” (you can use two highlighter colours to represent these two) this way people will know what is important and essential and what would be a good thing to do.

3) Look at how you display your own anxiety and see if that is also a trigger for their anxiety.  You may think you hide things well but your family may observe and internalize more than you think.

4) Talk about your anxiety and the things that you do to help yourself feel better with your family so that you are open and acknowledging that everyone has anxieties and we all have coping strategies to deal with it.

5) Create an exercise routine and make it as important as eating and sleeping – consider your day to only have 23.5 hours with 30mins being automatically used by exercise.

6) Do not watch any screens one hour prior to trying to go to sleep.  Screens emit light and light wakes up your brain.

7) Make several music mixes – relaxation, getting inspired/motivated, exercising

8) Rank their anxieties so that your family member can put them in perspective according to which ones are the worst.  When you have anxiety, it can feel as though they are all equal – they are not.

9) Deep breathing really does help.  Breathing in through the nose (slowly) and out through the mouth (as slowly as you can).  Many people have tried yoga and mediation with incredible success.

10) Be organized and clutter free.  Clutter and disorganization add to feelings of anxiety.  Clear out their closets, organize their things, keep things clean and tidy to create a space that they feel relaxed and comfortable in.  Many kids will argue they feel very comfortable in the clutter until they can’t find a favourite item, don’t have clean clothes, can’t find homework, etc.  and have a complete meltdown.  Don’t wait for the meltdown, panic attack, or screaming match.

For more information about our tips, books and resources, go to:  www.WhileYouWereAway.org

Filed under: Military Family Support - Tips from the 101 Tips books, Re-integration Tips, Tips for Educators and Deployment Support Workers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

1001 Tips for Military Families – #427

Posted on May 7, 2012 by meganegerton

Four Ways to Stay in Touch – Tip #427

 Guest Post By: Heather Smith

As a military family you are used to the nomadic lifestyle and with each move it seems to get harder. You tend to make friends and build bonds that you did not intend. Once you know it’s time to go, you start to prepare for your move. Have no worries there are 4 ways you can keep in contact with your loved ones after the move:

Skype: Probably the most entertaining and easy way to keep in contact with your friends and family is the online video chat. Signing up for an account is fast and easy. You can pay for a premium account to get pay less on international calls or stick to the free version which makes free phone calls to other Skype users. All you need to do is to get your friends and family to sign up too. The video and voice is very clear and easy to work. This is the next best thing to sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee with them in their living room.

Facebook: With over 800 million users it’s no wonder that Facebook is the number one social media program for the world. Facebook is like your online scrapbook. Posting pictures and posting updates will keep your family and friends connected to you at all times. You are able to read and see everything they are doing, so that you never feel left out.

Blog: Blogging is very good for the soul. It is a wonderful way to voice your feelings and relive your uncertainties. Not only can bogging be very therapeutic but it is a great form of communication for your past loved ones living in different cities. Your readers and fans are able to view your posts and comment on them. Instead of calling 6 of your closest friends about the most recent news you can blog and share with your friends.

Letters: When is the last time you sat down to write a handwritten letter, place it in an envelope, address it and lick a stamp? Believe it or not snail mail is making a comeback in communication. There is something healing and nostalgic about writing letters as your form of correspondence. That feeling of anticipation of receiving a response letter can be exciting! So grab a pen and paper and start writing, it’s guaranteed you will get hooked.

As hard as it can be to leave friends and family more frequently then you want too, thank goodness we live in a world where technology thrives and the old fashioned ways still exist. So log on or pick up a pen and keep in touch. It can be hard but also fun when you find a new way to keep connected to your loved ones!

Author Bio

Heather Smith is an ex-nanny. Passionate about thought leadership and writing, Heather regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and parenting blogs/websites. She also provides value to nanny service by giving advice on site design as well as the features and functionality to provide more and more value to nannies and families across the U.S. and Canada. She can be available at H.smith7295 [at] gmail.com.

For more information about our tips, resources and books go to: www.whileyouwereaway.org

To submit a tip of your own or ask a question, write to: Megan@whileyouwereaway.org

Filed under: Military Family Support - Tips from the 101 Tips books, Re-integration Tips | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

1001 Tips for Military Families – Tip #426

Posted on April 30, 2012 by meganegerton

Keeping Yourself Busy – Tip #426

Many people who have written or spoken to me about this.  They have a lot to say about my tip #7 – “Keep Busy” from my book.  Of course, I should have written “Keep Busy With the Things That You Love or Make You Feel Better About Life In General”.  Most of us have no problem being busy (there are always things like; laundry, dishes, phone calls, appointments, work, birthdays, etc.) but it is what we are filling our time with that we need to be mindful of.  Keeping busy doesn’t mean watching TV for hours on end (living someone’s real or imaginary life), doing piles of laundry or running errands for other people.

The point is that you find something that you really enjoy and go for it.  Surf the internet for ideas and suggestions and then look to see what is offered in your area.  Make sure it is easy to get to and works with your schedule.  Keep busy with things that you enjoy doing as well as all the other things that life throws your way.

Until recently, I had always thought of myself as someone who really wasn’t a big hobby person.  I had tried scrap booking, stamp collecting, coin collecting, making various crafts, etc. all without being able to really stick with it for very long.  I have now realized that I just hadn’t found something that I was passionate about.  I now realize that most people who have a hobby, whether it is flying mini-planes, mountain climbing, going to air shows, are into car racing or comic book conventions, scrap booking, etc. are passionate about it.  They got lost in time and in the moment and really enjoy it.  I have fallen in love with pottery and two hours each week will go by without me thinking about my work, issues with the kids, lunches for the next day, appointments, laundry, the overgrown lawn, etc.  It is the place where I lose myself and it feels so good.  Everyone needs to keep busy by being lost in something for at least a part of their week if not a part of their day.  So… think about all the things that you have an interest in or at one point in time have thought that it would be a great thing to try, list them and then make some time to get out there and try them.  On many bases there are facilities just waiting to be used and if there isn’t pop into the nearest city or town over and get to their community centre, library, or post office and find out where and how you can keep busy doing something you enjoy and are passionate about.

Some Ideas To Consider:

Rock climbing

Stamp or coin Collecting

Scrap booking

Ceramics

Pottery

Sketching/ Art classes

ATVing/snowmobiling

Scuba Diving

Skiing/Snowboarding

Skating

Tennis

Walking Club

Book Club

Biking

Jewelery making

Music lessons

Stained glass

Photography

Antiquing

Woodworking

Car resortation

Sewing/quilting

Gardening

Cooking

Just to name a few…

For more information about our tips, books and resources go to: www.WhileYouWereAway.org

To submit a tip of your own write to: Megan@WhileYouWereAway.org

Filed under: Lists, Military Family Support - Tips from the 101 Tips books, Re-integration Tips | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

1001 Tips for Military Families – #425

Posted on April 24, 2012 by meganegerton

Patience for Yourself and Others – Tip #425

For our family, the toughest part of the deployments was when my husband got back. It wasn’t because we weren’t happy to see each other (we were) or that he hadn’t been missed (he had been very missed) but almost everything had changed – we had changed, routines had changed, likes and dislikes were different, and he had changed and had experienced things we couldn’t understand and vise versa. We were impatient with each other and most of all ourselves.  There were big gaps to fill, some changes to be made (once again) and somethings couldn’t go back to the way they were before. This made our relationship and our family life challenging for longer than I would have expected.
Being patient with others sometimes is much easier than with yourself. We can often forgive others for things we have never considered forgiving ourselves for. When your family member comes home it is once again another change and adjustments need to be made and it can test your patience and frustrate you like nothing else. Many families think that it should just easily flip back to the way things once were but it can’t . You have learned things about yourself, discovered different ways of doing things and had experiences that you have not shared.  You need to be patient with yourself first and foremost and this will help you to be more patient with others too.

Tips:
* When you are angry, frustrated or annoyed with yourself – ask “Would I be this way if it was someone else?”
* Take time each day for yourself, to be honest with yourself and how you are feeling and forgive yourself if they are not the nicest of thoughts (we all have them)
* Don’t respond to people or demands immediately – let them know a timeframe in which you will get back to them and then take at least a few minutes to think about whether or not it is something you want to do, need to do or could say ‘no’ to
* Before you even get up in the morning tell yourself that it is okay if you make mistakes, get frustrated, angry or annoyed – you are human and everyone feels these things
* Be patient with your family, they are going through the changes too and feel many of the same things you do (even our youngest family members or pets can really struggle with changes in routines)
* Teach your family to be patient by talking about what tests your patience, your reactions and how you are learning to be patient with yourself (talk the talk and walk the talk)
* Each day think of one thing you wish you could have done differently or hadn’t done at all and forgive yourself

 For more information about our tips, books and resources, go to: www.WhileYouWereAway.org

To send a tip of your own, write to: Megan@WhileYouWereAway.org

Filed under: Military Family Support - Tips from the 101 Tips books, Re-integration Tips, Teen Tips | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

1001 Tips for Military Families – #423

Posted on April 18, 2012 by meganegerton

Olivia’s Song – Tip #423

I have a lot of people write and ask for me to just write a tip and advertise this or that and normally I say no but once I heard this song and Olivia’s voice, it is hard not to want to share it.

Olivia is an Army wife at Schofield Barracks, Hawaii, and yesterday she released a video for a song that she wrote for military spouses who (like herself) have endured countless deployments and separations.

No actors were used in the video – only active duty Army soldiers & their families who were preparing for deployments at the time of filming. Those soldiers are now deployed to Afghanistan, so the video is very much “art-meets-life.”

In addition, she has pledged to donate half of my proceeds from the song to the Fisher House Foundation to support military families.

I am including the YouTube link in hopes that you will share it too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvWR5u5O9_Q&feature=share

Filed under: Military Family Support - Tips from the 101 Tips books, Tips for Educators and Deployment Support Workers, Up-coming publications | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

1001 Tips for Military Families – Tip # 422

Posted on April 16, 2012 by meganegerton

Resiliency & PTSD – Tip #422

It is easy to get consumed with our own lives, I do it constantly.  I forget that everyone has their own challenges, dramas and stresses. This is much the same when you or someone you love is struggling with PTSD.  I am not, for a minute, suggesting that you take on other people’s stresses and drama.  I am, however, suggesting that one of the best ways to make yourself feel better is to do a few small things each day for other people.  There are a lot of people and organizations talking a lot about resiliency but I believe that you can become more resilient by reaching out to others, losing yourself (if only for a few minutes) in some small task, feeling good about something you can accomplish for someone else and just getting outside of your own world.  My challenge to you all is to take the list below and over the next 7 days complete as many as you can.  Challenge your family and friends to complete the list as well.

Suggestions:

* Clean up someone’s mess

* Leave a note for someone telling them how great you think they are

* Hide a little money in the pocket of someone you love

* Buy or make a fancy dessert

* Take someone, who is having a rough time, a coffee

* Send an email to someone that you have been out of touch with and tell them you missed them

* Give an anonymous donation

* Volunteer an hour of your time

* Take a neighbor’s garbage out/in

* Be the first to apologize

* Compliment a stranger

* Tell a parent or child why they are so important to you

* Make someone laugh until they are nearly crying

* Donate to a charity

* Go for a bike ride or walk with someone

For more information about our tips, books and resources go to:  www.WhileYouWereAway.org

To submit a tip of your own or suggest a tip, write to: Megan@whileyouwereaway.org

Filed under: Lists, Military Family Support - Tips from the 101 Tips books, Re-integration Tips, Teen Tips, Tips for Educators and Deployment Support Workers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

1001 Tips for Military Families – #421

Posted on April 2, 2012 by meganegerton

PTSD: What to Avoid – Tip #421


There is a lot of information out there about what PTSD looks like, feels like and strategies for how a person with it can try to cope but there isn’t a lot for family members, friends and colleagues who are trying to support a loved one.  Here are my top ten tips to try to avoid.  They are easy pitfalls and I really believe just knowing what they are will help you.

1) Avoid criticizing – it may be constructive but they hear judgment, lack of understanding and dissatisfaction

2) Avoid making a joke out of it or labeling – doing this will only cause them to be further withdrawn or disconnected with you.  Even if they are laughing at the time this is not a reflection of how they are truly feeling.  Nothing about PTSD is funny when you are going through it.  Find things in other areas of your lives to laugh about.

3) Don’t compare – each person experiences PTSD in very different ways and for different reasons.  Comparing will only lead to frustration.

4) Don’t try to be a doctor and work it all out.  Your job is to offer encouragement and support – don’t try to tell them what you think is wrong with them.  Would you want someone sitting down with you and pointing out all of your issues, faults or problems?

5) Avoid setting time limits – Everyone will have a different pace to their recovery and they need to be able to set it themselves and not feel pressured or held to a particular date and time.  It will only sabotage their progress.

6) Don’t be bossy – This one is in my nature and a tough one but it doesn’t help!  They have been coming from a setting where they had very little they could control and need a chance to feel in control of their lives and in the driver’s seat.  If you are always telling them what to do they never have a chance to establish a new sense of control.

7) Don’t Push or Pressure – If they tell you that they aren’t ready, it will not help if you keeping asking or demand it of them.  Give them an out, time to think and accept decisions that wouldn’t be the ones you would make or that you think are right. They will do things when they are ready.

8) Don’t agree when you really don’t – Placating or telling someone something that they want to hear isn’t going to help either.  You need to be you, stick to what you believe and be honest.  No one wants to live or be a in relationship with someone (for long) that isn’t honest or just says what they want to hear and you won’t be able to keep it up for long either!   Be who you are so that you are able to give them time to recover and be who they want to be.

9) Never give up – Avoid doing things like raising your hands in the air and walking out, leaving for awhile, avoiding them, etc.  When you are willing to stick it out you will also teach them the same thing.  Your perseverance will one day be theirs.

10) Talk about your problems too – Your life doesn’t stop because you are living with, working with or loving someone who has PTSD.  One of the best ways to engage them back into your world is to share your worries, stresses and strains.  Don’t avoid talking about your life because their life is hard and this should also be a motto they follow too!

For more information about our tips, resources and books go to:  www.WhileYouWereAway.org

Filed under: Lists, Military Family Support - Tips from the 101 Tips books, Re-integration Tips, Tips for Educators and Deployment Support Workers | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

1001 Tips for Military Families – Sesame Street News

Posted on March 25, 2012 by meganegerton

The Sesame Street/USO Experience for Military Families to Hit the Road with New Wheels, New Show and New Character

Sesame Street and the USO Ask for Help Naming Elmo and Friends’
Tricked Out New Ride Via Facebook

TWITTER:     @the_USO and @Sesame Street announce new stateside military tour coming to a military base near you

WHAT:           The Sesame Street/USO Experience for Military Families to visit more than 70 installations over next eight months and kick-off at Scott Air Force Base 

Characters from Sesame Street (specifically Elmo, Grover, Cookie Monster, Rosita and Katie, a new military character designed exclusively for military families)

WHY:              The Sesame Street/USO Experience for Military Families - the USO’s longest running, free traveling tour based on Sesame Street’s military family initiative – is once again rolling onto U.S. military installations across the country.

Before these fuzzy, furry monsters get on their way, Sesame Street and the USO are reaching out to their fans via Facebook for help naming their new ride.  Fans should visit www.facebook.com/SesameStreetForMilitaryFamilies to submit ideas for bus names and stay tuned to www.facebook.com/theUSO later in the month for a chance to vote on the final name.  In early April, Sesame Street and the USO will announce the winning name and unveil Elmo and friends’ new tour bus.

Along for the roadside adventure is Elmo’s new friend, Katie – a military child who is relocating to a new place.  Created exclusively for this tour, Katie was first introduced to military families in April 2011 by First Lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Biden at a Joining Forces rally in Columbus, OH.

Produced in partnership with VEE, this year’s tour showcases the power of friendship when Elmo and his Sesame pals help Katie open up about her fears and excitement as she deals with change and making new friends.  The show comprises a 30-minute character performance with special giveaways and outreach materials for those who attend.

The Sesame Street/USO Experience for Military Families made its debut in July 2008 to help families deal with the challenges of deployment and homecomings.  Since the tour’s inception four years ago, the tour has taken its message to more than 248,000 troops and military families, and performed 433 shows on 131 military bases in 33 states and eleven countries.

To learn more about the tour visit uso.org/sesame

About Sesame Workshop:

Sesame Workshop is the nonprofit educational organization that revolutionized children’s television programming with the landmark Sesame Street.  The Workshop produces local Sesame Street programs, seen in over 140 countries, and other acclaimed shows to help bridge the literacy gap including The Electric Company and Pinky Dinky Doo.  Beyond television, the Workshop produces content for multiple media platforms on a wide range of issues including literacy, health and military deployment. Initiatives meet specific needs to help young children and families develop critical skills, acquire healthy habits and build emotional strength to prepare them for lifelong learning.  Learn more at www.sesameworkshop.org.

Filed under: Military Family Support - Tips from the 101 Tips books, Tips for Educators and Deployment Support Workers | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

1001 Tips for Military Families – #418

Posted on March 19, 2012 by meganegerton

Easy Meals – Tip #419

Sometimes it isn’t the big things that get to you, it is the day to day running of a house, little ‘jobs’ that take more time than you thought, taxiing people around, running errands, and on top of all of that… meals.  The problem is that the better you eat, the better you feel and it isn’t always easy to eat well and efficiently.  When my husband is away, having meals together as a family is important and keeps us all a little more connected.    Make life easier for yourself by creating a system for you and your family that is argue proof (most of the time), organized, simple, fair and healthy so that meals don’t become another burden or drain on you when there are already enough of those.

Tips:

* Plan a week in advance – put the meals on the calendar so everyone can see them

* Have each member of the family be able to choose a meal for at least one night in the week

* Make a list of everyone’s favourite meals and ingredients that are needed regularly (so you don’t try making something only to find you don’t have the ingredients)

* Always cook twice what you need and freeze the other half

* Create a baking/cooking day a month – so that everyone can be together and get a lot done!

* When labeling food for the freezer – add how many it will feed and whose choice it is

* If you are on your own, ask friends and family every now and again to make a portion size for you so that it is one less meal you will have to think about.  Save a week’s worth and treat yourself to a week of other people’s cooking.  They will appreciate being asked and feel like they are helping you too!

For more information about our tips, books and resources go to: www.WhileYouWereAway.org

To submit a tip of your own, write to: Megan@WhileYouWereAway.org

Filed under: Military Family Support - Tips from the 101 Tips books, Re-integration Tips, Tips for Educators and Deployment Support Workers | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

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