Many of us think of the word selfish and automatically think of it as a negative thing. After all, it is often used by people to describe someone that thinks only of themselves, is thoughtless and mean. I am, more often than not, guided by doing what is right rather than what makes me happy. I think many of us are. That is okay (most of the time) as, living in a military family means there are things that always need to get done BUT… I also think that we have forgotten how to slow down, take care of ourselves and take uninterrupted “fun” time doing things we want to do, things that relax us or bring us joy. These moments don’t happen often as you are either planning a move, trying to settle in after a move, waiting to hear about trainings and deployments, trying to get through deployments, etc.
For the past 2 years I have been Mom (and Dad most of the time) and had to put a lot of my needs aside to look after the kids, the house, the dog and all the things in between including a full time and demanding job. Being a military spouse often means that you don’t get a lot of time for yourself unless you take on an epic coordination the size of a small deployment! I took on the coordination this weekend and it was worth it. My in-laws took the dog, my kids went to friend’s houses, I put the phone away and didn’t answer emails, I ordered in for dinner, etc. It was soooo worth it!
For the first time in over 2 years I took a completely selfish day this weekend – not without wrangling with some guilt but I still took it (I worry it makes me a bad mother if I just do things for myself). I stayed strong. I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do, I resisted the urge to do baking, cooking, cleaning and work and I didn’t give in to my family’s requests to ‘just do this or that and it will only take a few minutes’. The world didn’t come to an end. I just took care of myself and made a plan to do something fun, something a little out of my comfort zone and a little bit of absolutely nothing (a few hours of mindless Netflix). I also think I modelled for my kids what self care looks like. I am not going to say they were happy about it but I think they understood in the end that this is what I needed. As adults we don’t often come right out and say to our kids “I need this” so when I did, they listened (until they needed something!).
I have written a lot of tips over the years and always live it before asking others to. I forced myself to do this partly for me and partly to complete this tip! Now though, I will be taking a monthly selfish day (yes, once a month)! I will be doing this more often as I deserve a break and truly believe that I have earned the right to have some time doing things that I want to do. Military life is hard but this can’t be used as an excuse for why I don’t take care of my needs too. There will always be a reason not to do it but, as I discovered this weekend, there are so many more reasons to do it. All you need to do after reading this is go to your calendars and book your own selfish day!
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Filed under: Living My Own Advice, Military Family Support - Tips from the 101 Tips books, Re-integration Tips | Tagged: deployment, family, military, military family, reunion, self, self care, selfish, selfish day | 1 Comment »